Belo jogo, tá sensacional e só corrigir algumas coisinhas, mais o jogo e muito bom , tem futuro esse VN, esse jogo da para facilmente com o tempo entra na lista de jogos do ano, um VN que vai entrar de vez na prateleira de melhores jogos VNs de todos os tempos
All of my suggestions are based on the idea that you want the English translation to place the game in an English-speaking environment.
First line: In English, you wouldn't repeat "morning", so it would just say "Good morning, the fog is quite thick."
Also, the person with Jason is being called a Prosecutor -- It's probably supposed to be "Investigator" or "Detective"? A police investigator/detective is the title of someone put in charge of a crime scene and who leads the people figuring out who did a crime. A prosecutor is the lawyer that works with the government to bring the case in front of the judge and wouldn't show up at the scene of a crime that just happened ... they wouldn't even know about the incident until there's a suspect.
Prosecutor: Sounds kinda crazy, right?, doesn't it? -- Either ", right?" or ", doesn't it?", but not both.
Jason: This road is way out in the sticks. If she hadn't been found any later, it would've been too late. -- Either "she'd" or "she had"
Just a note: No transition for the time jump. It is obvious, so it's a choice if you want to leave it like that, but it's a bit jarring.
Customer: My dad is the government congressman, I'll ... -- Most assholes bragging/scamming would say "local congressman" or "state congressman" or "your congressman" or something more specific. (Unless he's supposed to be stupid, then it sounds like he's lying, which is fine.)
Andrea: I can't even comunicate properly, how should I deal with customers like this. -- First, spelling: "communicate". Second, she clearly has learned to communicate reasonably well, so a more appropriate line might be "I struggle to communicate properly, how could I deal with customers like this?" (also, it needs a question mark at the end)
(Front Desk Attendant, presumably Sadie): And you're saying that they steal it? -- She's pretty mad. A more appropriate line would be "And you're accusing them of stealing it?"
(Front Desk Attendant, presumably Sadie): Is this how your Congressman Dad teaching you? -- "Is this how your Congressman Dad is teaching you how to behave?" (I'm making this suggestion and future grammar suggestions because Sadie seems like someone who would be good at dealing with the public)
(Front Desk Attendant, presumably Sadie): Ah, the young slav... labor! -- I feel like if she caught herself enough to not say "slave" she wouldn't say "labor", so maybe "Ah, the young slav... new hires!" OR, since she knows their dad "Ah, the young slav... siblings!"
MC: We had a video call ... ... we moved to the city area and were taken care of by Aunt Su. -- No need for the word "area", so just "we moved to the city and were taken care of by Aunt Su."
Sadie: Hm, I see. ... ... It's better if he don't run into me.. -- "It's better if he doesn't run into me." (or ... never just ..)
Sadie: Hm..You're a good kid. -- It should always be "..." (I won't mention this again, a simple find/replace for ".." should do the trick)
MC: "Not really, although we've been here a few times when we were young, but I don't remember much." -- I recommend "Not really, only a few times when we were young, but I don't remember much."
---
Okay, at this point I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the game and recommend you find someone to properly proofread the translation. It's a lot of context stuff that clearly didn't go through whatever program you used well, but none of it's indecipherable, and I want to see if I actually like it before doing any more.
---
I reached a point where some bullies say that Andrea is stuttering, but there's nothing in her text that shows that, so if she's supposed to be stuttering all along, that needs to show up in the text with some clues.
For instance, the line: "Oh... I'm sorry. Are the seats assigned?" should look like "Oh... I'm s-sorry. A-a-are the s-seats a-a-ass-ssigned?" ... or something like that. There's no indication in any of Andrea's text that she's having any speaking issues, other than the early comment that her voice sounds a bit rough and deep.
What's even weirder is that Bully 02 says "S-Sorry...(Imitating Andrea's voice)" ... so her not stuttering in text is even more confusing.
Alright, one more: After Molly says "The Sirens from Greek Mythology." the next two lines about Moaning Myrtle should be spoken by the MC, but the name above them is Molly.
Can't help myself: When MC meets Meave (bold girl!) he introduces himself by saying "And my name is MC, nice to meet you Meave."
Also, saying the body hasn't been found doesn't make sense. If Molly's body was found, they wouldn't look at those cases, and if her body hasn't been found, then it would be "presumed dead" rather than "passed away" -- and there would be no "uncertainty" about the cause, it would just be unknown if or how they died.
Meave also says "Nice to meet you, MC" when he leaves.
Okay, the adult women working in this hotel are kinda awful ... not evil, just awful.
Some very rushed moments and strange actions that partially can be explained by whatever translation mechanism was used.
Mostly I liked the MC and his sister, although if she's supposed to be stuttering the whole time, you can't tell except when the bullies are parroting how she's apparently supposed to sound.
I also liked that none of the women were unnaturally large. Even the largest felt reasonable, and the rest were actually quite nicely "normal" compared to most AVNs.
The women working at this hotel are very strange. You can't avoid the interaction with the diving instructor, which is fine, but why allow avoiding the manager then? Still, I'm glad you can avoid her ... she's kinda awful. I wonder if she actually doesn't like their father.
Maeve is interesting too. The fact that she doesn't even have private thoughts about MC after catching him fucking the air (and not staying long enough to see floating cum) even at home while talking to him on the phone seems like either that was already forgotten when the rest of her scenes were written or she's not supposed to realize it was still him in the room when she came back? Which is also weird.
Anyway, I'll check out chapter 2, but the game needs either a better translator or someone to review all the English translation and make adjustments. But it also could use some work on the pacing and some continuity control. I do like that Maeve's dad is the cop that found Andrea ... it's a nice binding thread. Still, if Sadie and the diving instructor are more indicative of the way the story is going to go, not sure how much more I'll play. We'll see.
Thank you for correcting my typo, I use GPT to translate and proofreading by myself. And the result seems like I do need native speaker to do the proofreading in order to get the best quality of translation.
As for Andrea, at first I do use stuttering text in every sentences. But later I think stuttering text may let reader get annoyed. So in the end I choose to use normal text.
I'll add this issue into the questionnaire then decide what method should I use in the future.
Would really like confirmation about the futa tag because I dont play games with weird stuff like that, even if avoidable, it really breaks the immersion . But thats your call, would just like to know so I dont waste my time following the game. Good luck
After several days of consideration, there will be no futa in future tag. Like you said, futa may break immersion and in some way would break my story structure as well :)
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😁
Why do I need to manage permissions for all files to start😳
我的母語是中文，所以可以用中文留言沒關係。
至於為甚麼會要求存取權限，應該是因為遊戲要存讀檔，所以會要求你開啟權限，這樣存檔才會記錄在你的手機裡，如果你不放心的話可以玩電腦版:)
Gente estamos diante de uns dos melhores jogo de vn essa temática de fantasma, galera podem anotar esse jogo aqui e muito bom
Thank you for commenting again and the promotion!
EP2 is on the way <3
Eu to ansioso pelo Ep2
Belo jogo, tá sensacional e só corrigir algumas coisinhas, mais o jogo e muito bom , tem futuro esse VN, esse jogo da para facilmente com o tempo entra na lista de jogos do ano, um VN que vai entrar de vez na prateleira de melhores jogos VNs de todos os tempos
Thank you for your comment, I'm glad that you enjoyed the game!
Typos/Grammar suggestions
All of my suggestions are based on the idea that you want the English translation to place the game in an English-speaking environment.
First line: In English, you wouldn't repeat "morning", so it would just say "Good morning, the fog is quite thick."
Also, the person with Jason is being called a Prosecutor -- It's probably supposed to be "Investigator" or "Detective"? A police investigator/detective is the title of someone put in charge of a crime scene and who leads the people figuring out who did a crime. A prosecutor is the lawyer that works with the government to bring the case in front of the judge and wouldn't show up at the scene of a crime that just happened ... they wouldn't even know about the incident until there's a suspect.
Prosecutor: Sounds kinda crazy, right?, doesn't it? -- Either ", right?" or ", doesn't it?", but not both.
Jason: This road is way out in the sticks. If she hadn't been found any later, it would've been too late. -- Either "she'd" or "she had"
Just a note: No transition for the time jump. It is obvious, so it's a choice if you want to leave it like that, but it's a bit jarring.
Customer: My dad is the government congressman, I'll ... -- Most assholes bragging/scamming would say "local congressman" or "state congressman" or "your congressman" or something more specific. (Unless he's supposed to be stupid, then it sounds like he's lying, which is fine.)
Andrea: I can't even comunicate properly, how should I deal with customers like this. -- First, spelling: "communicate". Second, she clearly has learned to communicate reasonably well, so a more appropriate line might be "I struggle to communicate properly, how could I deal with customers like this?" (also, it needs a question mark at the end)
(Front Desk Attendant, presumably Sadie): And you're saying that they steal it? -- She's pretty mad. A more appropriate line would be "And you're accusing them of stealing it?"
(Front Desk Attendant, presumably Sadie): Is this how your Congressman Dad teaching you? -- "Is this how your Congressman Dad is teaching you how to behave?" (I'm making this suggestion and future grammar suggestions because Sadie seems like someone who would be good at dealing with the public)
(Front Desk Attendant, presumably Sadie): Ah, the young slav... labor! -- I feel like if she caught herself enough to not say "slave" she wouldn't say "labor", so maybe "Ah, the young slav... new hires!" OR, since she knows their dad "Ah, the young slav... siblings!"
MC: We had a video call ... ... we moved to the city area and were taken care of by Aunt Su. -- No need for the word "area", so just "we moved to the city and were taken care of by Aunt Su."
Sadie: Hm, I see. ... ... It's better if he don't run into me.. -- "It's better if he doesn't run into me." (or ... never just ..)
Sadie: Hm..You're a good kid. -- It should always be "..." (I won't mention this again, a simple find/replace for ".." should do the trick)
MC: "Not really, although we've been here a few times when we were young, but I don't remember much." -- I recommend "Not really, only a few times when we were young, but I don't remember much."
---
Okay, at this point I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the game and recommend you find someone to properly proofread the translation. It's a lot of context stuff that clearly didn't go through whatever program you used well, but none of it's indecipherable, and I want to see if I actually like it before doing any more.
---
I reached a point where some bullies say that Andrea is stuttering, but there's nothing in her text that shows that, so if she's supposed to be stuttering all along, that needs to show up in the text with some clues.
For instance, the line:
"Oh... I'm sorry. Are the seats assigned?"
should look like
"Oh... I'm s-sorry. A-a-are the s-seats a-a-ass-ssigned?"
... or something like that. There's no indication in any of Andrea's text that she's having any speaking issues, other than the early comment that her voice sounds a bit rough and deep.
What's even weirder is that Bully 02 says "S-Sorry...(Imitating Andrea's voice)" ... so her not stuttering in text is even more confusing.
Alright, one more: After Molly says "The Sirens from Greek Mythology." the next two lines about Moaning Myrtle should be spoken by the MC, but the name above them is Molly.
Can't help myself: When MC meets Meave (bold girl!) he introduces himself by saying "And my name is MC, nice to meet you Meave."
Also, saying the body hasn't been found doesn't make sense. If Molly's body was found, they wouldn't look at those cases, and if her body hasn't been found, then it would be "presumed dead" rather than "passed away" -- and there would be no "uncertainty" about the cause, it would just be unknown if or how they died.
Meave also says "Nice to meet you, MC" when he leaves.
Okay, the adult women working in this hotel are kinda awful ... not evil, just awful.
Not too bad.
Some very rushed moments and strange actions that partially can be explained by whatever translation mechanism was used.
Mostly I liked the MC and his sister, although if she's supposed to be stuttering the whole time, you can't tell except when the bullies are parroting how she's apparently supposed to sound.
I also liked that none of the women were unnaturally large. Even the largest felt reasonable, and the rest were actually quite nicely "normal" compared to most AVNs.
The women working at this hotel are very strange. You can't avoid the interaction with the diving instructor, which is fine, but why allow avoiding the manager then? Still, I'm glad you can avoid her ... she's kinda awful. I wonder if she actually doesn't like their father.
Maeve is interesting too. The fact that she doesn't even have private thoughts about MC after catching him fucking the air (and not staying long enough to see floating cum) even at home while talking to him on the phone seems like either that was already forgotten when the rest of her scenes were written or she's not supposed to realize it was still him in the room when she came back? Which is also weird.
Anyway, I'll check out chapter 2, but the game needs either a better translator or someone to review all the English translation and make adjustments. But it also could use some work on the pacing and some continuity control. I do like that Maeve's dad is the cop that found Andrea ... it's a nice binding thread. Still, if Sadie and the diving instructor are more indicative of the way the story is going to go, not sure how much more I'll play. We'll see.
Thank you for giving me your sincere thought about the game! This would greatly let me consider more while I do the writing in the future.
Thank you for correcting my typo, I use GPT to translate and proofreading by myself. And the result seems like I do need native speaker to do the proofreading in order to get the best quality of translation.
As for Andrea, at first I do use stuttering text in every sentences. But later I think stuttering text may let reader get annoyed. So in the end I choose to use normal text.
I'll add this issue into the questionnaire then decide what method should I use in the future.
What kind of future tags can we expect? Harem? ntr/sharing? Pregnancy? Futa?
Hi!
Thanks for the comment.
Hope you enjoy the game!
Confirmed future tags :
anal, titfuck, masturbation, creampie, footjob, female domination
Ntr and Pregnancy will not be in the future tags.
As for Harem and Futa, I'm still thinking about it.
Female domination and foot fetish shouldn't be future tags, since they're in this release. They do seem to be avoidable, so I'd list that too.
Hmm ... never mind. Not avoidable.
Would really like confirmation about the futa tag because I dont play games with weird stuff like that, even if avoidable, it really breaks the immersion . But thats your call, would just like to know so I dont waste my time following the game. Good luck
Hi!
After several days of consideration, there will be no futa in future tag. Like you said, futa may break immersion and in some way would break my story structure as well :)
Thanks for the advise!
Have you decided about a harem path?